thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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