I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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