If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
