I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
