i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize