dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
