I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
