I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
