I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
