Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
