i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
