Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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