Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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