I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
