Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
