My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
