so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
