i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize