your parents love me but you hate me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
