I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
