You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
