Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
