i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
