I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
