Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
