whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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