I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
