i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
