Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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