It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
