when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
