I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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