my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
