Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
