i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
