i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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