I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
