According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
