eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
