yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize