After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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