It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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