Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
