What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
