She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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