cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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