If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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