After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
