There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
