that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
