I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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