But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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