I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
