I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
