blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His hands were made for my vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
