remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
