And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
