We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
