i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
