You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
