I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got inside last night via doggy door
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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