You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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