with your own penis?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
