i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
